Sarahi’s Testimony

My story begins with a miracle birth and a broken home. When the enemy tried to take my life in the womb, my faithful mother prayed to her God. Her fearless faith saved our lives. My father did not know God which led to affairs, addiction, and abuse. At the age of 5 my parents got divorced and my heart broke for the first time. 

I was raised in a single-parent Christian household but from an early age I had a deep sense of unworthiness that translated into a longing to be loved. As a child, I adored God but somehow I could not accept that a perfect God could ever love me. I thought I did not deserve His love. As I grew, I never felt good enough no matter how hard I tried to fit in or do the right thing. It seemed as if I was always striving endlessly in circles with no sense of satisfaction. I looked for validation in people and accomplishments but was only left disappointed and heartbroken. 

Quickly into my first year of college, I began to use drugs and alcohol with no boundaries or restrictions. I found myself in a dangerous place. I had given the enemy a foothold in my life and left the door wide open. At the time, I was so fixated on being loved by people instead of God, that I allowed anyone to come into my life. My innocent view of others led to people taking advantage of me because I thought they loved me and I so desperately wanted to be seen by them. I had forgotten that the only person who could give me the love I desired was Jesus. The enemy told me that I would find identity, happiness, and true love if I continued to follow the ways of the world. It was a lie that led me to addiction, depression, abuse, suicidal ideation, sexual assault, and endless cycles of trauma. 

I fell deeper into unworthiness, self-loathing, and a distorted view of who I was. I had forgotten that I was a child of God and I belonged to the One who calls me His beloved. I believed that God would never forgive me for all that I had done and how I had turned my back on Him. I knew that God was the answer but in my stubbornness, pride, and fear, I could not give myself fully to Him. Nonetheless, I kept asking God to save my life and get me out of the pit I was in. 

He always came running after me with loving arms but I would run away and repeatedly fall back into the same trap. Finally, after years of brokenness, I came home to Los Angeles to do the same thing but this time, I could not hide who I had become from the ones who truly loved me. My family experienced the full wave of darkness that had taken over me. They would say, what is wrong with you? How could I explain the depth of heartache that I felt after years of pain? It had changed me. I did not want to live in this world that I believed brought me so much pain. I just wanted to escape and forget. 
But God had a different story for me. I went back to church in my desperation and He met me right there in the middle of my brokenness. I heard him very clearly say stop. And I did. That day I threw it all away. I  stopped drinking, doing drugs, everything. I gave my entire life to Jesus and said, Here, you can have it all, I can’t do this on my own anymore. That was 4 years ago. I am happy to say that I am still sober and immensely on fire for Jesus. I want nothing more than to do His will because He saved my life. I would not be standing here in front of you today if He did not love me enough to transform me from the inside out. I am a redeemed child of God. He has filled me with purpose and turned my mourning into dancing. Now I dance with praise on my lips because of His great love.