Felicia’s Story
Hello,
My name is Felicia and I am 23 years old. I am a daughter, sister, and warrior of God.
I grew up and was raised in a Christian household in which my parents are both ministers. I accepted the Lord into my life and heart when I was 8 years old. His love and protection has been with our family for all these years.
Growing up, I experienced anxiety and heavy panic attacks without even being aware that they were panic attacks and that the spirit of anxiety was disturbing me. I struggled a lot with my self-image and I always had this idea that someone and or everyone was constantly watching me and judging me for what I did. I also always had this thought that I was a disappointment to my family and would never live up to the expectations of being the perfect daughter, sister, and friend that I wanted and needed to be for my family and close friends.
Now as I am older and more mature, a bit of those struggles I faced back then aren’t as bad as they are now as I had experienced them when I was younger. Facing those struggles always felt like there was a big, dark, and heavy weight on my shoulders. In February of 2022, those struggles had come back heavily and had been part of a small battle I faced that I didn't see coming at all. That month, I was hospitalized due to an involuntary anemic response that had occurred throughout my body.
I was always healthy growing up and have never gotten sick, broken a bone, nor had experienced any fatal conditions throughout my life. So, experiencing hospitalization was new and at the same time very scary to me.
The day I was hospitalized I was told that I was close to losing my life. Being admitted to the hospital, finding out that I was in critical condition, and being told that I would not make it into the next night had made me feel overwhelmed. I had so many emotions and thoughts that made me feel empty. I couldn’t process everything that had happened in a matter of seconds because of the fact that I literally was so close to never seeing the light of day.
After countless prayers with family via prayer chains, God’s love, light, and protection armored our family throughout this battle.
I was told by the doctors that an unknown virus had entered my body and began attacking my blood cells, causing my red blood cells and platelet counts to decline and my body to shut down. The doctors had no clue how and why it happened, but I had to undergo a series of multiple blood transfusions and a series of 8 plasma transfusions in which the doctors had to take my blood, clean it, and add more plasma from donors to regain what I had lost. The treatments and process were very painful, long, and tiring.
By the grace of God, I was responding positively with all the treatments given to me and was recovering well and quickly. The doctors from the hospital that I was admitted to were surprised and in shock by how quick I was recovering and how well my body was responding to all the treatments given to me. Thankfully, after all the treatments I received, one doctor claimed that this experience that I went through was a “one and done experience.”
Throughout the 2 weeks of being in the hospital, I had experienced so many thoughts and emotions. However, before I was admitted to the hospital, the spirit of death and evil had been taunting and disturbing me. A few weeks before I was admitted into the hospital, I had experienced extreme fatigue in addition to feeling frustrated, weak, depressed, and worthless. I went to sleep feeling very sick with my head spinning, and on some occasions, I would see a dark, scary figure sometimes standing in the corner of my room, watching me, and sometimes hovering over me in my sleep. Even in my dreams I had dreamt about the dark figure I had seen appearing to me in my dreams.
During that time, I was in the middle of attending classes and moving to a new house. I had to complete assignments and projects, unpack boxes and help my family move as an additional stressor. I thought that everything that I was feeling and experiencing was just very bad stress because of what I was going through. I wasn’t aware that everything that I was feeling and thinking was because of what was happening to my body. I found myself always crying and being frustrated at myself because I didn’t want to do anything and was tired of everything that was going on.
One night I was in my room and the spirit of evil and death came to me once again, only this time it had come harder than ever. I kept telling myself things like:
“I’m so stupid.”
“I am worthless and a disappointment to everyone.”
“I want to take my life away.”
“I don’t care if I die, I deserve to be dead anyway.”
“If something were to happen to me, in which I would lose my life, then let it happen because I don’t deserve to be here anymore.”
A few nights after that, my mother noticed that I was slurring my words and showing signs as if I were having a stroke, which then led to her and my family rushing me to Urgent care. That’s when everything went spiraling down in which we received the news that I was close to death’s door, and that if I hadn't gone sooner to seek medical attention and care, I would’ve died.
When I received the news from multiple doctors that I was in critical condition and that they didn’t know what was going on, I did not freak out or break down crying. I laid down on the hospital bed hearing everything they had to say and as I heard them, I mentally kept thinking to myself, “This is what I deserve. This is God punishing me for everything that I have said.”
I even had the thought that God was looking down on me and saying, “Well Felicia, here you go. This is what you get and deserve for saying what you were saying before. You wanted to die? Here you go.” I kept thinking that everything that I was going through was my fault and I knew that I had power in my tongue, and because I said and thought about all those negative things, it came true because of me and my words.
With God and my family by my side throughout every second as I continued to recover, my faith recovered too. My family and I had constantly prayed, and I was able to take a second to learn and realize what I had been going through. The devil had managed to manipulate his words and get those negative thoughts and feelings in my head while taking advantage of the fact that I was weak. His attack on me stole my peace, my joy, my strength, and my faith. I realized that everything that I went through was not from God, and that He would never make me negatively feel or think the way I had thought or felt during that one night of heavy depression and evil and when I was admitted into the hospital. I never questioned God or got angry towards Him about what I experienced. My faith was never lost, it was just dimmed. After recovering and bringing my mind and body back to normal and stability, my faith re-ignited, and I was reborn again.
God has given me the victory of life over death and overcoming all the negative things I have felt, thought, or experienced. He has given me the victory of making myself new, and I praise him through his faithfulness. I am not the same person as I was before, for I have been reborn again and made new. I am now stronger than ever with God’s burning fire of love, security, strength, and peace.
God’s word teaches us that He is always with us and never leaves us. We are His warriors, and He has created us perfectly. We are wonderfully made in His image. His un-denying love never runs out. He wants to defend, deliver, and heal all of his children. He is our redeemer and sets us free from any fear, anger, depression, anxiety, or anything that impacts us negatively. His love endures forever.
Whenever I feel like I have those struggling negative moments of anxiety, lack of self-worth, or panic attacks, I am able to come to Him and cast all of the unwanted thoughts and feelings on Him and takes it all away. He is in control and is watching over you and will never, ever leave you.
God’s love, light, and protection never left me from the beginning, and I am living proof of His wonders and miracles. I am Felicia. I am a daughter of the King. I am a perfectly and wonderfully made daughter and sister. I am a warrior, and this is my story.
Ephesians 1:7 “In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.”
Psalms 59:17 “You are my strength, I sing praise to you; you God, are my fortress, my God on whom I can rely.”
Be Blessed,
Felicia.
Instagram:
@ _lovely_fifi
@piecesofhispeace